I suppose things started to turn around when I decided to see the long road trip I was about to take as a gift. Yeah, it’s going to be a seven hour drive, but I could use the windshield time… maybe work a few things out.
I love driving alone.
For the first silent ninety minutes I just thought and prayed. After stopping for a coffee I then listened to a ‘new’ U2 ‘best of’ CD that Fran had gotten from a thrift store last week. Amazing what some good music can do for the soul. Five out of the first ten songs were songs I’d either preached on or played at church in some other context. Each one came with the memory of a theological truth. Then a song that I’ve always loved the melody of, but never really listened to, came up… and in the listening something happened in me; something new.
The song is called Stuck in a Moment You Can’t Get Out Of and it felt like a back and forth conversation with God… and it lifted me up;
ME: I’m just trying to find
A decent melody
A song that I can sing
In my own company
GOD: I never thought you were a fool
But darling look at you
You gotta stand up straight
Carry your own weight
These tears are going nowhere baby
GOD: You’ve got to get yourself together
You’ve got stuck in a moment
And now you can’t get out of it
ME: I will not forsake
The colors that you bring…
I am still enchanted
By the light you brought to me
I listen through your ears
Through your eyes I can see
GOD: And you are such a fool
To worry like you do
I know it’s tough
And you can never get enough
Of what you don’t really need now
GOD: And if the night runs over
And if the day won’t last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass
It’s just a moment
This time will pass
And then this huge stone hit my brand new windshield!
And what was beautiful about that moment was what I said next. Instead of saying what I would normally have said and then being pissed off for way too long, I said ‘Screw you…’ (to the rock chip!) and kept on singing. There was nothing I could do to change the situation, and I didn’t want to step out of the song I was singing. It was too hopeful and good.
Now less than a day later I keep feeling like something has changed. Life feel freer. The beauty of this place has brought me to laughter several times already. Glimpses of glory have overwhelmed me. Last night I slept very well and woke up with an appetite. And instead of dreading the incredibly busy fall season that lies ahead I’m feeling excited and thankful. While I’m so reticent to write this down, it feels like the clouds have lifted.
This morning I read a conversation that Moses had with God;
MOSES: You have said, ‘I know you by name and you have found favor with me.’ If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you.
GOD: “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
MOSES: “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?”
GOD: “I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name.”
MOSES: “Now show me your glory…”
(excerpts from Exodus 33, NIV)