I have so much to learn…

Sitting in a big meeting tonight, my excitement grew as the speaker was getting to the part of his presentation where he would talk about ‘listening for God in all things.’  It was part of his written report, so I knew it was coming. Waiting… waiting…  and then, out of nowhere, he wrapped up with his conclusion. He totally omitted the most important part of his talk (in my estimation). At first I was disappointed, then a bit pissed, “Well I guess this just affirms that my involvement with this group should come to an end.” And then just as I was about to mentally check out – and take my ball with me – the chair of the meeting turns to me and asks me to lead in a closing prayer.  For a brief second I wanted to beg off. How could I possibly pray, feeling the way I was?  But then I remembered a part of the bible reading we’d studied earlier in the meeting, the one where Jesus told his disciples, ‘God’s kingdom is right on your doorstep!’

I started my prayer with those words, and then paused, and then said something like this, “Lord, you must have felt a pang when you first said those words to your disciples, knowing that they weren’t going to see it… at least not fully, or right away.  And you must feel that same pang as you watch us listen now….”   And then I went on to pray a few other things but while I did that, a very numinous sense of Christ’s presence filled me.  Concurrent to my speaking I felt this profound sense of what Jesus must have felt when he knew his disciples wouldn’t fully see; a pang surrounded with patience, grace and love.  On the spot my heart was changed.

Earlier that evening, I’d confessed to a friend how sick and tired I was of my trying to control everything; especially the things of my faith. What kind of person gets pissed off if another doesn’t quite see things the way they do?  Has Christ ever acted in this way toward me?  I’m now beginning to wonder if the biggest impediment to clearly communicating this ‘God moving in all things vision’ is me.


2 thoughts on “I have so much to learn…

  1. M-E

    Ah, reminds me of a Casting Crowns song lyric; “Jesus is the only way to God but I am not the only way to Jesus”. May we be able to get out of His way and let Him work through us. So many times He works in ways we just never saw coming!

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